Relic_Hammer Read online

  I watched her walk to the door. Now it was me she wanted to escape from.

  “You will live,” she said before she left me alone.

  It was my turn to sit on the bed.

  Why did I feel like I’d just fucked up, big time?

  Chapter 40

  I found Rebel fighting off a large Viking who wanted to show her that the afterlife was worth dying for. She didn’t need my help but she looked happy to see me. She abandoned the disappointed horndog and walked quickly to my side, looped her hand through my arm, and led me back down the hallway I’d just come from.

  “Our rooms are this way,” she said. “Where have you been?”

  “With the queen.”

  “With the queen or in the queen?”

  “Nice. We talked.”

  “Did you make a deal with the devil?”

  I stopped. “What makes you say that?”

  “Just messing with you, Kane.” She pulled me along again.

  “She’s going to help me tomorrow,” I said.

  “You did make a deal with the devil. I’m so smart. They’re taking this fight pretty seriously around here. If they get a whiff of cheating it’s as good as a loss. She’s going to help you win the fight?”

  “She said she’d…” Then it hit me. Tabitha didn’t say she’d help me win. “Shit.”

  “She said she’d shit? I didn’t know Vampires shit. Oh God, I just pictured it. And now I can’t unpicture it.”

  “She said she’d help me live, not win.”

  “What have you done, Kane?” Fox said. He’d snuck up on us as usual.

  “Oh, hey, Fox, how are you?” I said with my jolly voice.

  “The queen is up to something,” he said. “The emperor just put his guards on watch. He’ll be shadowing her for the rest of our stay here. What the hell did you do?”

  “We just had a talk,” I said.

  “You don’t know the history here,” he whispered. “You’re playing the wrong game. You need to stay low. Fight, win, and get back to the surface as soon as you can.”

  “Working on it,” I said, getting irritated.

  “You’re fighting for the mantle of the God of Thunder,” Fox whispered as Valhallans passed us from the other direction.

  “Back off,” I said.

  “This is your room,” Rebel said to me, stepping in between me and the Vampire. “Get some rest.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure I’ll sleep like the dead.”

  Fox pointed at me. “No sneaking around, Arkwright.”

  I ignored him and shut the door behind me. My room was a lot like Tabitha’s.

  The queen.

  The queen and the emperor.

  What a bunch of bullshit.

  Why had I never heard of them? I wondered why Spirit didn’t inform me that the Vampires had a power structure in place. I’d take it up with Skyler before I booted his ass to the curb for good. He wasn’t a part of Spirit anymore, but he’d know the answer.

  I missed putting my Glocks to sleep. Yeah, creepy I know. But I had a routine and a key part of it was gearing up in the morning, ready for the day. Dressing down at night and putting the day away was just as critical to my sanity.

  Without my routine, sleep was hard to come by.

  And as expected, I stared at the ceiling for three hours, pondering everything that could go wrong in the next day or so. Hell, if I played it wrong the whole world could end. I wondered if they had sleeping pills in Valhalla. Or maybe Rebel could pull off a Sleep Spell.

  I listened to the sounds of other guests heading to bed. After an hour of silence, I got out of my bed, got dressed, and snuck into the hallway. I don’t know what I was looking for. A distraction. An advantage. I could also go for a midnight snack.

  One end of the hallway led back to the greeting hall where we’d eaten the feast. The other end was covered by a massive curtain. Red velvet, like a theater’s. The arched ceiling had a mural on it that was filled with imagery that looked like Michelangelo’s style. Either they had a really good copycat down here or the maestro had been snagged by the Norse gods somehow. The painting showed Viking warriors killing demons, giants, and other monsters I didn’t recognize. Their armored bodies still somehow showed off massive muscles. Their faces were filled with the excitement of bloodshed and victory over the weak. Viking ideals as art.

  For some reason, I wondered if Rebel had Viking in her.

  Then I sensed him.

  I turned to find Hakkar on the other end of the hall. He wasn’t in his usual garb but I knew it was him. He wore a cloaked robe, the top part of his face covered in darkness. His mouth was covered in a long mustache with two strands of red beads dangling to his chin. Weird, but whatever.

  I wasn’t about to be the first one to say something. So I stared back. I could feel him assessing me. He was trying to see if I was scared.

  I turned my back on him. He wouldn’t attack. He wanted to best me in combat. Besides, I wanted to check out the curtain. I wanted to see what was on the other side. But most importantly, I wanted to show him I was confident enough to turn my back on him.

  “I’m Hakkar,” he said.

  I stopped and faced him. Twenty yards lay between us. I felt naked without the Glocks. “I know who you are,” I said. “You work for the Vampires. You do what they say. Your family has been doing it for hundreds of years. Now you have a huge army to protect instead of a few stragglers. You’re like a pig in shit, embracing the role that your forefathers didn’t get to play. Oh, and you’re a traitor to humanity.”

  “And you are the son of a traitor to humanity.”

  I didn’t see that coming but I’d walked right into it. I needed to settle down. Calm my temper. But, at that moment, I looked forward to the fight. Win or lose, it would feel so good to get some licks in on that smug, covered mug.

  “I chose to break that cycle,” I said, at the tail end of a breath. I didn’t sound as convincing as I wanted to.

  “Is that a choice you’ve earned?” he asked.

  “Spoken like a guy who doesn’t have the guts to be his own man,” I said.

  That got him. The silence between us felt like the first blow of the next day’s battle.

  “That’s a fair point,” he said, surprising me right back.

  “Yeah, great session but your time is up.” I turned to walk to the curtain again.

  “Do you wonder what happened to Thor?” he asked. His voice was closer than I liked. I kept walking. But he was walking beside me within seconds. He was taller than me by a head. Not something I’d noticed before. His long limbs would be an issue in the fight to come. Especially if we had to go hand to hand.

  “I assume he picked the wrong fight in the wrong pub.”

  Hakkar chuckled. “I thought the same thing. But I suspect he gave up the power.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Don’t you feel it?”

  “Boredom? Yeah, this conversation is definitely going nowhere.”

  “Fear,” he said. “It’s all around us. And in us.”

  “I’m not afraid,” I said. The curtain loomed over us. I touched it with my hand and it swayed. I searched for the opening.

  “You aren’t afraid to die, I know,” he said. “You aren’t afraid to lose because you won’t be around to see the result of your failure.”

  “Do you always charm your opponents before they kick your ass?”

  “But you fear winning,” he said, simply.

  And he was right.

  The second he said it I realized that the one thing I hadn’t dwelt on while I lay in bed wide awake was the idea of inheriting the power of Thor. Did that mean I would inherit his grudges and his battles? His history? His responsibilities? Was I giving up my life and identity if I won?

  Fuck that.

  “And the Valhallans fear something too,” he said. “I don’t know what. But Thor’s power was second only to his father Odin. Maybe they fear placing that power in the hands of a man.�
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  “They don’t have a choice. Two men have the hammer and the shield.”

  “Exactly. They don’t have a choice. But maybe they wish they had one. Maybe they wish they could bury the hammer and shield again.”

  I found the opening in the curtain and pulled it aside. It was just stone wall.

  Disappointed, I turned to face him. “Why are you talking to me?”

  “Our fates are now bound, Kane,” he said like an old friend. “I wanted to say hello and goodbye.”

  “Hello. Goodbye.”

  “I will win tomorrow and I will deliver the hammer and shield to their rightful owners. I take no pleasure in killing you, though. You’ve been a kick-ass adversary.”

  I turned to him. “Kick-ass adversary? What are you, twelve?”

  His smile lifted the two strings of red beads on his mustache. They looked like bloody fangs.

  “I’m your end, Kane.”

  He walked off.

  “Pleasure speaking with you, Mr. End. I’ll see you tomorrow. May the best man kick the Vampire flunky’s ass.”

  A wind blew at my back. It felt like the other side of the wall had laughed at my joke.

  Or my bullshit bravado.

  Chapter 41

  I woke up from my twenty minute nap to the sight of Rebel sitting next to me.

  “You didn’t sleep at all, did you?”

  “How could you tell?”

  “You have Gucci bags under your eyes.”

  “Great, you can sell them when I’m dead.”

  She handed me my pants. I threw off the covers and was hit by the chill of the Valhallan morning.

  “That’s a great attitude,” she said, seeing how cold I was. She threw a Spark Spell across the room and the wood in the fireplace was engulfed in white-hot flame. The heat was instant and settled my goosebumps down. I slipped on my clothes and stood in front of the fire while Rebel watched me with that concerned look on her face. The one that always managed to make me angry and grateful for her at the same time.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

  “You’re the one looking at me like that,” I said back.

  “I know you, Kane. Why are you worried about me?”

  “I’m not,” I lied, thinking about the curse that Fox was under and the promise that Tabitha had made to save me. I was afraid that Rebel was in danger from every direction.

  “And now you’re lying to me. Listen, you’re the one who’s headed into an arena with a guy whose sole purpose is to fight and kill, not me. I can take care of myself.”

  “It’s Fox,” I said, not sure why I was talking. It was easy to mess around with Rebel but it was impossible for me to lie. Our partnership made lying feel like a thorn on the tip of my tongue. The only way to get rid of the feeling was to tell the truth. I’d pondered whether this was one of her spells.

  “What about him? You hot for him too?”

  “He likes you.”

  “Yeah, women know these things, Kane. You jealous?”

  “He says he’s cursed.”

  “He’s a fucking Vampire.”

  “No he says Merlin cursed him. Anyone he gets close to dies.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “I’m just telling you what he told me.”

  “Why would he tell you, if I’m the one in danger?”

  “How would I know? Ask him. Just be careful, okay?”

  “I’m always careful.”

  Okay, that was a bullshit burrito. I glared at her.

  “Careful enough,” she said.

  “Maybe I should let him turn me,” she said, with a smile.

  “I’ve got an hour to live and you’re cracking jokes.”

  She shrugged. “I’ll be cracking jokes an hour after you’re dead, too. It’s how I cope.”

  “So what’s the word out there?” I asked. “Any idea what the rules of this fight are?”

  “Nope. I’ve been asking around but Valhallans are zip-lipped and the Vamps are as clueless as we are.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “I don’t. I get the feeling this is a battle they’ve been waiting for for a long time. You ever wonder where Thor went?”

  “Bonehead thinks he gave up his godliness willingly,” I said.

  Rebel’s eyes went wide. “When did you talk to him?”

  “Last night. We were both wandering the halls of Valhalla. His real name is Hakkar, by the way. He’s sworn to protect the Vampires. Born and bred a guardian.”

  “Interesting,” she said. I knew that look. She was diving into her plot brain. It was pointless to ask her what she was thinking.

  “Is there breakfast around here?” I asked instead.

  “Hm? Oh. Yeah. It’s on the tables.”

  I left her in my room deep in thought. She’d let me know what was on her mind when she was ready. She’d better hurry though. I was Dead Man Walking as far as most of these supernatural beings were concerned.

  Nothing made that clearer than the sorry expressions I had to tolerate as I sat down at one of the tables. They were packed high with the morning version of all the food we’d eaten last night. Bacon, venison, piles of eggs packed with vegetables. Sauces that made my eyes water along with my mouth. It was a delicious last meal.

  I spotted Hakkar at the other end of the table. He wasn’t eating. In fact, he was already decked out in his Bonehead uniform. He just stood next to his emperor, on guard. Emperor Okar beckoned for him and Bonehead leaned over. The emperor said something to him while meeting my stare, then laughed.

  Asshole.

  Cassidy and Rose slipped into the bench across from me, followed by Coleslaw.

  “We’ve decided we love you,” Cassidy said. Rose nodded. I just looked at them and chewed my toast.

  “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Rose asked.

  I took a bite of bacon.

  “They’re expressing their emotions, Kane,” Coleslaw said. “Don’t you think it’s a good idea to reinforce that?”

  I glanced over at Coleslaw. “Not really.”

  “Fine, fuck you,” Cassidy said storming off.

  “Yeah, fuck you,” Rose said, following him.

  “That was a mean thing to do to them,” Coleslaw said, watching them walk away.

  “It was. But not as mean as letting them think I was someone they need to avenge,” I said. “I know them, Traveler. They’re looking for an excuse to get in a battle if I lose. Hell, they’ll look to start a fight if I win. They don’t need righteous revenge driving them to be dumber than they already are.”

  “If you…” Coleslaw said, then stopped and pursed his lips.

  “What? Talk to me,” I said.

  “If you lose…”

  “That’s getting to be a common refrain around here.”

  “I’m sorry. But if you do and if you choose Hel in your afterlife, then can you tell Hilde I love her?”

  His face was one big slab of torment. His eyes were sadness. His hope that I would say yes was thick enough to butter my goddam toast.

  “Of course, Shlkxchrslew.”

  He smiled and patted my hand. “Thank you, Kane. Thank you.”

  And then I slipped him the Trolls Cross.

  He did an impressive job of not looking at it.

  He knew what it was.

  He knew what he had to do if things went south.

  I took a swig of my morning beer to wash down my final bite and a loud voice boomed from the hallway.

  “Fighters! It is time. Follow me.” It was Váli. He wore his arrogant face, which appeared to be his only face. Maybe if I won the power of Thor I’d make him clean my spitoon.

  Chapter 42

  Váli led us down the hallway toward the curtains. They blew gently in the wind. It was kind of calming, actually.

  So I wasn’t ready when the curtains parted and we were met with a panoramic view of a green valley. It was more like a bowl really. We were perched on top of a set of stone stairs that
cut through a grass hill and down to the valley of long grass below. The castle itself wrapped around half of the valley in a stone crescent moon shape. The walls loomed 100 feet over our heads. Hundreds of large windows, open wide, looked down on the arena. The mountains in the distance straight ahead made me realize that there was a whole world below our world, or parallel to it. It made me feel small but it also made me realize how important it was that I win the fight.

  There was a lot at stake. Not just my world.

  “I keep trying to imagine how ugly you are under that thing,” I said to Hakkar, trying to get into his head. He didn’t bite. “A long line of dashing Vampire Guardians is kind of a cool way to be remembered when I kick your ass. But a long line of butt-fugly Vampire Guardians… kind of makes it less cool, you know?’

  Váli glanced over his shoulder at me and smirked. I guessed that mind games were an approved weapon.

  “You will have a hard time getting into Hakkar’s head,” Váli said. “He does not believe you have a chance. He’s been preparing for fights like this his entire life.”

  The demigod was helping me. Throwing me softballs to see if I could get a few hits.

  “He doesn’t know me,” I said. “He thinks I’m weak. But when I win, I might let him live.”

  “That’s noble of you,” Váli said, still smirking. He looked at Hakkar to see if our banter was breaking through. Nothing yet.

  But then it hit me. I spotted his weak spot like it was a Line. “First thing I’m going to do with Thor’s hammer is name a new bloodline to guard the Vampires.”

  Hakkar didn’t break his stride, but the vambraces that plated his forearms and the back of his hands squeaked as he made two fists.

  Round one: Kane.

  I quit while I was ahead.

  I noticed the open windows of the castle that surrounded us were suddenly filled with hundreds of Vallhallans. They poked their heads out to get a better look at us. I gave myself a moment to breathe and look around. The rolling hills above the bottom of the bowl were filling up with observers too. Even Vampires were looking for a spot on the grass. It hit me that Vamps were exposed to the daylight but when I looked up at the blue, cloudless sky there was no sun.